


Say You're Mine

by jamesilver



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, BUT it still during this when he and harry hook up, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Draco Malfoy, Dirty Talk, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, also just a warning, but the vibes, draco is dating another character and there is implied sexual content there, draco is nonmonamously dating this other character, harry is confused about his sexuality, like a slow burn but condensed cause its not long, like lots of dirty talk harry cannot shut up during sex, oh also supportive ron because what else could i write i always write supportive ron lmfao, these two are disasters as always, top!Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23844361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesilver/pseuds/jamesilver
Summary: It's been fours months, now, since what Draco refers to only as "The Incident" or "The Interaction" "The Encounter" because he refuses to acknowledge if for what it actually was: going down on Harry Potter in a random corridor spontaneously.Neither of them have told anyone. Neither of them have mentioned it since. And Harry, especially, seems to be fine with keeping it that way until a Ravenclaw boy named John takes quite the interest in Draco.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Other Male Character, Hermione Grander/Ron Weasley (side)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 445





	Say You're Mine

**Author's Note:**

> RATING:::This fic is explicit because there are 2 explicit sex scenes, please see the tags. But this is not a porn without plot situation. This is porn with ANGST 
> 
> I really hope you all enjoy!!!

“Well, maybe if you weren’t such a prick all the time—“ 

“Maybe if  _ I _ wasn’t—“ 

“Oh, don’t you pretend that you don’t—“ 

Draco threw his hands in the air. He couldn’t believe this. Eighth year and he was still fighting with Harry Potter. The two had run into each other in the hallway and somehow an argument had started. At this point, Draco couldn’t even remember how. All he knew was that it was half gone twelve and he just wanted to sleep. Yet here he was, still arguing with Potter. 

Then it hit him and he remembered how the argument had started and his anger flared anew. 

“Look,” he said. “I don’t why you’re still fucking  _ stalking _ me—“ 

“Stalking you?” Harry yelled, incredulous and Draco talked louder to get his point across. 

“Yes  _ stalking, _ Potter, that’s what it’s called when you follow someone around all the time!” Draco pressed his back up against the wall behind him, leaning his head back and closing his eyes for a breath. 

“I’m not fucking following—“ 

Draco’s eyes snapped open and he jolted forward. “Look, Potter, the war is over so you don’t have to keep tabs on me anymore. It’s fucking annoying and I get if you think that I’m still fucking—“ He gestured wildly with his hand a moment. “—Evil or something but you’re just going to have to get over it and leave me the fuck—“ 

Before Draco could register what was happening, Harry had him pressed up against the wall and kissed him. 

Draco’s entire mind blanked out and he completely forgot what he had been saying as Harry kissed him hard, his hands on either side of Draco’s face. 

In an abrupt moment, Harry pulled back but surprisingly didn’t move far. After a moment, he dropped his hands, looking awkward. 

Silence stretched between them and Draco’s gaze was frozen on Harry’s. 

“Was there a reason for that...Potter?” He had intended to sound accusing but the air had frozen in his chest and it barely came out as a whisper. 

In a blink, it was like Harry shocked back into himself, anger and all. “You never shut up. You wouldn’t let me get a word in. I’m not following you. For fuck’s sake. We happened to be walking down the same corridor and next thing I know you’re antagonizing me and saying I’m following you and I’m not.” His chest heaved for a moment before he added. “You narcissistic prick.” 

Draco’s brain barely processed Harry’s words. He was still standing against the wall, mouth slightly open, trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened to him. 

“Why...” He whispered. “Why did...you...?” 

Harry stopped, looking back at Draco and taking a moment to actually realize the state the other was in: hands at his sides with his palms flat against the wall, chest shaking with his breath, face slightly flushed. 

Harry couldn’t deny that it was in fact him who had kissed Draco, not the other way around. And when he had pulled back, he had fully been expecting a slap but none had come. 

A small step forward and Harry decided to try it again, softer this time. Slower this time. 

As he got closer, Draco didn’t make a move to push him off, didn’t slip away, didn’t do anything but stare into Harry’s eyes until Harry could feel Draco’s faint breath on his lips and their eyes closed in sync. 

Harry’s hands came back up to Draco’s face, cupping it like before as he kissed him softly. He felt Draco kiss him back and hold lightly onto his wrists. Harry had no idea what was going on or why he was doing what he was doing but he didn’t want to stop doing it. So he didn’t. 

He felt Draco give a backwards tug on his wrists and Harry took that as his cue, pulling back a few, bare inches. 

“If I had known it was that easy to get you to stop talking...” His gaze jumped back up from Draco’s lips. 

“All you ever had to do was ask. All you ever had to do for  _ anything _ was just ask.” 

Harry didn’t believe that for a second. And he couldn’t resist pressing the limits because, of course, it was Draco Malfoy. There was still some small part of Harry that turned every one of his interactions with Draco into a game of chicken. 

He raised an eyebrow. “Anything?” He semi-taunted. 

Seriousness in his every feature, Draco gave a single, slow nod. “Anything.” 

With no idea what was going on in his head, Harry moved his hand to Draco’s shoulder and gave a light press. Not harsh enough to be a clear communication, but enough to see how far Draco would take it. 

His breath caught in his throat when Draco dropped to his knees. 

Of course it hasn’t seemed so far from reality that Draco  _ would _ but seeing him actually there...was something else entirely. 

Draco also couldn’t believe entirely what was happening. Not only had Potter kissed him but now he was on his knees in front of Harry Potter. And while he was looking up at Harry’s face, he could see in his peripheral vision that he wasn’t the only one enjoying the situation. 

“Go on,” Harry said. He reached a hand down to the front of his trousers. “I know you want to.” 

Without breaking eye contact with Harry, Draco tentatively reached forward and pulled down Potter's trousers. He felt Harry push his hair back before his hand settled on the back of Draco's head. 

Opening his mouth, Draco leaned forward and took Harry's cock in his mouth. When he closed his lips around the head, he felt Harry's fingers tighten in his hair and that was enough for his hesitancy to shatter. 

Draco closed his eyes and sucked, rubbing his tongue on the underside of the head of Harry's cock before starting to push himself deeper. As he bobbed his head, he was so lost in what he was doing that when he pulled off to catch his breath, he realized that he had been making Harry moan. 

A blush rose on Draco's cheeks and he took Harry back in his mouth, pressing himself deep and moving his tongue, trying to breathe through his nose. 

"Fuck," he heard from above him. Pulling back to suck on the tip, Draco looked up at Harry. "All these years, we've been fighting and we could have been doing this?  _ Fuck. _ " 

As Draco began to go back down on Harry's dick, he felt Harry shift his grip, pushing his thumb against Draco's forehead, moving him slowly back so that his head was against the wall behind him. Holding him there, Harry took half a step closer before taking his cock in hand and feeding it to Draco. 

If he hadn't been on the floor with his back against a wall, Draco would have swooned, fainted, something. His brain couldn't keep up with the situation but he didn't care at this point. He just wanted to stay like this for as long as he could. Kneeling on the floor, Harry Potter's cock in his mouth. What more could Draco ask for? 

He kneeled and tried to focus on his breathing as Harry held him against the wall and began to pick up speed. 

"Fuck, Malfoy, you're so good at this. Who knew you'd be so eager to take it like this? Tell me, you kneel so quickly for any man or is it just me?" He pulled back then, releasing his grip on Draco's head. 

Immediately, Draco lunged forward and drew a line up the underside of Harry's cock with his tongue, ending at the head. Then he looked up at Harry. "Just you," he whispered. 

Then Harry's hand was once more on the back of Draco's head and he began thrusting fast into Draco's mouth. It was almost too much and Draco focused everything he had on breathing through it and trying not to gag but judging by Harry's moans and speed increase, it wouldn't be much longer. With that thought, he whined around Harry's cock, not wanting it to be over so soon and the vibration of the noise sent Harry over the edge. 

In an instant, Harry pulled out and, still holding Draco against the wall, came on Draco's forehead and cheeks, streaks of his come crossing Draco's nose and going up into his hair. 

While Draco tried to get his wits about him, Harry stood in front of him, tucking himself back into his pants.

Remaining where he was on the floor, Draco expected no reciprocation. He had no idea what had just happened but he wasn't going to assume anything from it. Or, at least, he was going to try not to. 

He looked up at Harry, his eyes watering and throat sore from the gagging. Harry pushed a hand across Draco's forehead, smoothing his hair back. Then, with his thumb, he began pushing all of his cum down Draco's face and into his mouth. Once he had gathered it all, he pushed Draco's mouth closed and watched him swallow. 

Draco did as he had been silently asked, looking up to Harry and waiting. Harry's thumb remained just at the corner of Draco's mouth and he tapped it twice there in a way that bordered affection. 

Looking down at Draco curiously, he said, "Huh," and then turned and walked away. 

As he disappeared down the hallway, Draco slumped back against the wall. Then, before he could begin to process what had just happened, he reached a hand into his pants and wrapped a hand around the head of his own cock, cumming almost as soon as he laid hands on himself, bent double, forehead pressed against the floor. 

He sat back up afterwards and leaned against the wall once more, feeling like his entire body was boneless. 

What the  _ fuck _ had just happened? 

One moment he had Harry were arguing like every other moment of their interactions over the years and then...then Harry had kissed him and then the next thing Draco knew he had gone down on Harry Potter? It had all happened so fast but that didn't mean that he had any regrets about any of it. If anything, he regretted that it didn't happen sooner. 

Because he had meant what he had said. He had been attracted to Harry for years and this entire time if Harry had ever wanted anything at all from him and had simply asked, Draco would have done whatever he could. 

He had never thought he would ever tell him that. 

Sighing, Draco ran a hand across his face. It was fucking late and he needed to sleep so he ran a quick cleaning spell on his face and trousers, stood up, and headed back to the dorms. 

__________

That was four months ago. In the weeks immediately following what Draco now refers to as "the incident" or "the interaction" or "the encounter," Harry had been awkward and refusing to meet Draco's eyes. Which was fine. As he had said, he wasn't going to be getting his hopes up that one blowjob had meant something. But then, quickly, things had just...gone quiet between them. And it was almost something that Draco couldn't take. 

Awkward after a hookup was one thing. Fighting all the time like was normal for them was another. But just acting like nothing had ever happened and they were just estranged acquaintances made Draco feel slimy about the situation. 

But it had been four months and Draco had, for the most part, gotten over it. That was, as much as he could get over anything when it came to Potter. 

It didn't matter, though. Draco was happy now. He had been seeing this guy named John who was a seventh year Ravenclaw who really liked Draco and treated him well. And, so far, things had been going...great. They had been on some dates, John was nice, the sex wasn't bad. Overall, things were good. 

That didn't stop the ever-persistent feeling Draco would likely never escape of just wanting Harry Potter to  _ look at him _ and  _ give him attention. _

Draco sighed thinking about all of this, and pushed his charms textbook away from him. It ended up jostling the system of books Pansy and Blaise had spread out on the library table and they both sent him quick glares. 

Blaise threw a wadded up piece of parchment at him. "Stop that." 

Draco scrunched up his nose. "Stop what?" 

Scribbling on her paper, Pansy didn't look up as she spoke. "Thinking about Potter." She held up three fingers. "You have three distinct thinking-about-Potter faces." 

Blaise matched her counting with his own fingers as the two listed them off. 

"One: The Schoolboy Crush," Pansy began. She paused, looking up from her work as both of his friends mimicked a dreamy, far-off look with eyes tilted up at the ceiling and soft features curved into a smile. 

"Two: The Seeker Rivalry," Blaise said and they both looked at the table and scrunched up their noses, looking a mix of disgusted and frustrated. 

"Three," Pansy finished. "The Star-Crossed Lovers." They both looked to the left, eyebrows titled every so slightly together in the center, eyes puppy-dog and sad. 

Draco rolled his eyes at his friends' antics. "Well, which one was I thinking about now?" 

"Three," they both answered in unison. 

"You've been having that one a lot lately," Blaise added. 

"Well, joke's on you both. I wasn't thinking about Potter; I was thinking about John." 

Blaise groaned immediately, throwing his head down on his arm. "Are we still on John? Draco," He sat up. "You and I live together. On a scale of 'no orgasm' to 'came so hard I passed out,' John is like a three for you. You deserve better." 

Draco scoffed. "You don't know anything about my sex life." 

"Oh, really," Blaise deadpanned. "Tell me one thing about your sex life that I don't already know." 

For a moment, Draco froze. He hadn't told them about the encounter. And they were both waiting, expectantly. 

He thought, here goes nothing, and said it: 

"Four months ago, I sucked Harry Potter's dick." 

"What?!" Both of his friends exploded. Blaise stood, knocking his chair over as they both stared at him, open-mouthed. 

They were so loud that Madam Pince came over to their table and, instead of shushing them, informed them that they needed to leave and they would be welcome back in her library when they learned to behave themselves and to get out now or she would be calling their Head of House. 

Usually, his friends would be upset, but they barely packed their things and rushed out of the library, immediately assaulting Draco with questions.

"What do you mean four months ago?" Blaise. "Why didn't you tell us about this?" Pansy. "Where did this happen?" Blaise. "Was it good?" Blaise, again. "Did you get any back?" Pansy. "How long did he last?" Blaise. "Was it just a blowjob?" Pansy. And then, after sharing a look, both at once: "How big is it?" 

They practically chased him down the hallway through all of this and finally, Draco stopped, holding up a hand. "You know, this is kind of why I didn't tell you. I knew you would make a big deal out of it." 

"As if you on your knees for Saint Potter isn't a big deal in Draco World," Pansy said. 

"We don't need to talk about it," Draco insisted. 

"So nothing has happened since?" Blaise asked. 

Draco felt his shoulders drop. "No. It hasn't." 

"Ah," Blaise nodded. "Therefore, John." 

Pansy nodded as well. "Thank you, Draco, it now all makes sense." 

"Will you two stop?" Draco pinched the bridge of his nose. "I like John, okay? Just let me be happy with John and don't force me to ruminate on the fact that Potter just acted like nothing ever happened." 

"Oh, sweetie," Pansy put a hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry." 

Draco shrugged her off. "It's been four months. I've moved on." Naturally, his friends shared a look at that. They all knew he was lying but they also weren't about to press him on it, knowing he was not in the mood. "Anyway." Draco readjusted the bag on his shoulder. "Speaking of, I'm headed to meet up with John. I'll see you two later. And please stop pestering me about Potter." 

Turning his back on his friends, Draco headed down the corridor. Once he was around a corner, he stopped for a moment and sighed, leaning against the wall. It was true that he was having fun with John but it was also true that he couldn't get Potter out of his head. 

And he had no idea what to do about any of it. 

__________

Later that same evening, Draco was with a group of people in the busy common room. Different groups had divided up, talking about different homework questions, Quidditch matches, gossip. Draco was sitting on the couch with his own circle of friends, leg pressed up against John, not-so discreetly holding hands and getting fairly close to cuddling. He himself wasn't paying too much attention to the conversation at hand where Theo and Blaise were arguing over something he couldn't be bothered to listen to, but was instead trying to tear his eyes off Potter and focus on the man with his arm around Draco's shoulders. 

It was increasingly difficult, but Draco managed. Just as he had managed for years. 

Instead, he focused on John. He ignored the sound of Potter's laugh, even when it floated across the common room to him. He focused on the way John was rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of Draco's hand. 

He looked at the man sitting next to him and thought about his life. Draco knew John was a good person, a good almost-boyfriend. And he couldn't figure out why he wasn't happy with that. He was a nice man who was always accommodating for Draco and never said a bad word about him. He was calm and patient. 

So why couldn't Draco give him more than a small smile? 

It was like something was broken in him. Staring at John now who was talking with Draco's friends, Draco couldn't imagine why he would want Potter over this. This was stable. This was good. This was healthy. And his eight-year obsession with Harry Potter was anything but. Even if the man stopped ignoring him, he was never going to get something this good with Potter. 

He couldn't imagine if he tried Harry talking and laughing with Pansy, Blaise, and Theo like this. Couldn't imagine them sitting like this, openly, in the common room, with slight but present PDA. Couldn't imagine feeling anything more than ashamed and used. 

Well, he could. Saying he couldn't would be a lie. But he didn't want to let himself even think of anything more. Because if he thought about dinner dates and Seeker's games he would fall into thinking about looking for a flat together and a life together and painting a nursery together—

It was all too much. 

Just like he had convinced himself: his infatuation with Harry Potter was unhealthy and even if it felt like settling, he needed to be with John. John was good for him. It was a relationship like relationships should be. 

Even if it was missing the fantasy of true love piece. 

"Draco?" 

Blinking, Draco realized John was staring at him expectantly. He had completely zoned out. 

"Sorry?" He felt a blush rise to his cheeks. "I was lost in my head again." 

John smiled. "That's alright, love." He squeezed Draco's hand and then leaned in as if to kiss him on the cheek. So considerately, that's what he made it look like as he whispered in Draco's ear, "Are you feeling alright, Draco? You don't seem too well." He pulled back, looking Draco in the eyes and Draco knew he really cared about the answer.

And his breath started coming faster as he realized John may be in love with him. If not, then heading there. 

He shook his head and forced a smile. "I'm alright. I was just thinking." 

John titled his head, a smile playing on his lips. "About what?" The two had been lost to the crowd, in their own world of conversation now. "You've been thinking a lot lately." 

Uncertain, Draco said, "About the future." 

Draco did not miss the way John's eyes lit up despite how much he tried to keep it hidden. "I've actually been thinking about that too." 

Trying to open his mouth and stop what was happening, Draco started to speak but was cut off. 

"No, no," John said. "Hear me out." With a deep breath, John glanced down at their hands and then looked back up to Draco. "I've been thinking and I know we aren't technically official or anything but...Draco, I want to be your boyfriend. I want this to be official. I want us to be exclusive." Again, Draco opened his mouth but John kept speaking. "I know that this is a lot. And I don't expect an answer now." He smiled. "I know how much you need to think big decisions over and I respect that. Just...at least sleep on it, yeah? Think it over?" 

Frozen, Draco panicked in a split moment. Then, he gave a tight nod. "Yeah, of course. Of course I'll think about it." 

John nodded. "Good," he said. Squeezing Draco's hand once more, he turned his attention back to Draco's friends and seamlessly melded himself back into the conversation. 

Meanwhile, Draco sat and tried to not let his thoughts show on his face. It was like everything was coming to a point. 

And he couldn't understand why he couldn't make this decision. The only thing that would hold him back from saying yes is Potter. And Potter clearly did not want him. One blowjob four months ago did not cancel out everything that had happened between them. And they hadn't even spoken since. There was no hope. 

There was no hope of any relationship between him and Potter. 

Draco looked back over at John, watching him talk. If he said yes now everything could be so easy. For once in his life, everything could be okay. He could see it all now: 

They would date the rest of eighth year and then graduate. Draco would get a job wherever someone would hire him and John would likely work a boring but well-paid job at the Ministry. They would move in together and Draco would come home to clean floors and John would cook for him. They would have sex maybe once a week and it would be good and they would get married. A few years down the line they would have perfect little children to fit their perfect little life and everything would be normal and orderly and clean and happy. 

And Draco would be okay. Everything would be okay, it would be good. But that was just the problem, wasn't it? The sex would be good, but it wouldn't be passionate. The fights would be mild. The children would be well-behaved. The food would be warm and the beds would be warm and the furniture would be used but not moved, the dishes would be cleaned in a day. He would cry at sad stories of other people's lives, he would never lock himself in the bathroom during a breakdown, he would never scream into his pillow in anger. 

But who shouldn't want that? That was  _ good, _ that was healthy. Draco  _ should want that. _ There was just one problem: 

It would all be without love. 

Wouldn't it? Because he didn't love John.

It was now that Draco had realized that significant time had passed. The common room was near empty and his friends were all beginning to wind down—Blaise never included. One by one they separated off and headed in for the night until it was just Draco and John, alone in the common room. 

John cleared his throat, catching Draco's attention. "Goodnight, Draco," he said. He gave Draco a soft kiss on the cheek, followed by one on the forehead. "I'll see you in the morning." He gave a small laugh. "Don't think too hard on it." Moving his hand up, he cupped Draco's cheek. "Don't want you to break your genius brain." 

Draco smiled and the two kissed and then Draco was left alone. 

Feeling the panic begin again, Draco stood and left the common room, starting on a walk around the castle. 

There was so much and yet so little to think over. For example, was Draco fucked in the head? He could have such a good life and he couldn't figure out why he would turn that all away. 

But then he rounded a corner and almost walked into the reason. 

"Oh, shit, sorry," Harry rushed out. They both took a step back from another and Draco welcomed the distance. "I was just..." He waved his hand around. "I had to go on a walk, clear my head. Been thinking about way too much. I can't make sense of any of it. And it's not like I can talk to my friends about it because they wouldn't understand. In fact, it's like no one would understand because they never went through—“ He heaved out a sigh and leaned against the wall. "Sorry," he said again. "I just don't have anyone to talk to so I started ranting at you." 

Draco bit his tongue. He couldn't, he shouldn't. But he had never been able to resist Harry Potter, had he? 

"Why, Potter? What's on your mind that Granger can't fix for you?" 

For half a beat too long, Harry's eyes lingered on Draco before he tore them away and stared at the floor while he spoke, his voice so quiet Draco barely heard him. "When did you know?" 

A long moment passed before Draco realized Potter wasn't going to elaborate. "Know what?" 

Harry kicked his foot awkwardly. "That you...you know." He lifted his eyes momentarily. "Are into men." 

And just like that, all of what Draco had thought about in regards to John went out the window. Because Harry Potter admitting he might not be straight changed everything.

But then he told himself no. No, Potter didn't get to do this. He could have had this sexuality crisis four months ago. He couldn't keep stringing Draco along. 

"Potter, if this is because of what happened, it was one time. That doesn't...mean you're gay. I mean, you didn't even really do anything. Just because you let me go down on you doesn't—“

Harry looked up sharply. "It's not just that. I tried to tell myself that but that wouldn't explain...everything else. It just doesn't make any sense. Because I think I have liked guys before. I'm pretty certain I had a crush on Oliver? And, like, Cedric? That one might be near certain. But that makes no sense because I dated Ginny. And the feelings I had for her were real. So I just...don't understand." 

Draco tried to hold in a laugh. He could not believe it. "Potter, you know you don't have to pick one, right? You can like boys and girls." 

For a moment, Potter just stared off. Then, he seemed to jump back to reality. "What? What do you mean? I thought there was just straight and gay. You're one or the other." 

"Uh, no." Draco pressed a hand to his forehead. Why did he have to be the one to explain this all to the scarhead? "There's a lot of sexualities, actually. Among them is something such as bisexuality. You can also like whoever you want and just go with it. No one says you have to put a label on yourself." 

Again, Harry leaned back against the wall and his voice got quiet. "All I know is that when I see you two together..." Harry stopped talking, but his jaw tightened on his silent words. Draco's heart skipped a beat.

"What, Potter? Do you have something to say about that?" 

He met Draco's eyes. "Why him? Why John?" 

"Why not?" Draco challenged. "Why someone else? What are you really asking, Potter, why not you?" 

Harry shook his head. "I just don't understand. You deserve better than him. You deserve better than me, too, for the record. I mean, I got scared and didn't talk to you for months. Of course you moved on. So I know I don't have any right or reason to want to grab him and tear him off of you but I still do, okay?" 

Anger flared up in Draco. "Moved on? You fucking arse! And you're correct, for once, Potter: you have no  _ right. _ You have no claim on me! Ever since we met, you have continually rejected me. You've made your decision. So stand by it." 

Harry straightened his shoulders. "Does he make you happy? Cause I haven't heard you call him your boyfriend or anything like that. In fact, you haven't defended him this entire conversation. I'll be honest if you will." 

Draco scoffed. "You're just jealous. You're just jealous I can have a life outside of you! You want me to always be there in case you feel like it, is that it? Why are you asking if he makes me happy? It's not like you care about my happiness." 

Harry took one step closer. "You didn't answer the question." 

Crossing his arms, Draco tilted his chin up. "I don't owe you any answers." 

"No, but you owe it to yourself. But you can't answer, can you?" 

"Fine! I don't know, okay! But that doesn't mean you get to ruin it. He asked me to think about being his boyfriend. About being official and exclusive and everything that comes with it. And I have a chance to be happy with him." 

Another step. "And, what? You're gonna give in for a chance?" 

"Well, it's more than anyone has ever given me." Fighting back tears, Draco shook his head. "You don't understand. You're Harry Potter, how could you? Very few people think I deserve to be happy. John is one of them. And he...I think he loves me. And he will do everything to make me happy." 

"That doesn't mean it'll work!" 

Unable to stop the tears now, Draco kept on. "Does that mean I shouldn't try?"

"You know what?" Harry began. "You're wrong. He's not the only person who will love you. I know you think that. And he's not the only one who thinks you deserve happiness and would work to get it. He's not the only one who will ever give you that chance. But if you can look me in the eye and truthfully tell me that you think you have a greater chance for a greater happiness with him, I will never bother you again. And I may not be sure about everything or anything or my sexuality but I know how I feel when I see him kiss you. And I don't want to miss out on a chance because you don't think you're worthy of anything more than mediocrity." 

Draco felt like he had been slapped. He took a small step back, his mouth slightly hanging open. Of course he was shocked that Potter had said that but he had never expected to find shock that it...may have been right. 

Was that it, then? He didn't think he was worthy of anything more than mediocrity? That he was required to live a life without passion because of what he had done? As some sort of penance? 

"Draco," Harry began. "I'm sorry. That was...that was too far." 

"No." Draco sniffed, wiping the tears from his cheeks and ignoring how quickly they were replaced. "No, you're right. You're right. I don't love him. And I don't think I ever will. And it would be unfair to him and to myself to settle like that. That's not what I want." 

Silence passed a beat between them. "What do you want?" 

"I just want to be happy," Draco whispered. "I don't know how to get to there or what exactly that looks like, but that's what I want." 

Harry leaned back against the wall again, looking at Draco with concern. "I understand that. Draco, I—“ He paused, thinking his words over. "Like I said, I don't know. I really don't. But I don't think anyone really does. We're all just trying to figure out our lives. But I know...I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. And not just in a sexual sense. I mean...for years. And—“

Not able to let Harry go on for any longer, Draco walked over to him and took his face in his hands and kissed him. 

"Draco," Harry whispered between them. "I like you. And I promise to never sabotage a relationship of yours again. You do deserve happiness." He blinked harshly, trying to stop his eyes from welling up. "But I don't know if that means me. I have let you down so many times. We have both hurt each other in so many ways. And...that doesn't matter to me. But I also know that we're still us. And we'll likely hurt each other again. I want you but I can't promise that I'm not going to fuck up. And if someone else can..."

Draco shook his head. "No one can make that promise. At least with the two of us we would know it would be interesting." 

Harry breathed deep, eyes on Draco's lips. "You should go. I don't have a good track record of treating you right and if you keep standing here like this I'm going to kiss you again. Maybe more. And that's not smart, is it? You have an almost-boyfriend and I don't even know if I like guys but if you keep looking at me like that then I'll—“

Pulling him in, Draco cut him off again with another kiss. 

“Just stop talking, Potter,” he said. 

Before he could stop and think about what he was doing, Draco was in the Room of Hidden Things, but it was different than how he remembered it. Potter kept calling it the Room of Requirement and said that it gave you whatever you required at the moment and maybe they should just go there and have some time to sit and talk and that's all he wanted to do, Draco, he promised, just sit and talk. But of course, when the room opened before them, there was just a bed. 

Draco pulled him in, closing the door behind them and pulling Potter towards the bed. "Didn't I tell you to stop talking?" he whispered as he sat down on the edge of the bed. 

"It's just all a little difficult to process," Harry whispered back, coming to stand between Draco's legs. "And I feel like I should be good and try and process this before I give in and do any of the things I want to do to you." Draco shivered at Harry's words and the hungry look behind them. 

"Like what?" he couldn't help asking. 

Quickly, Harry shook his head, a sharp jerk. "No, this isn't right. We can never make good decisions around each other. And you still have something going on with John and that doesn't feel right to me."

"John and I aren't exclusive," Draco reminded him. 

"Yes, but you know he wants to be. He would be hurt by this, even if he technically has no right." 

Draco closed his eyes. "You're right," he said. "I should go, then, I guess." 

Harry nodded, stepping back and giving Draco room. Draco stood, but didn't move away when he found himself face-to-face with Harry. 

"Then again," Harry said. "You aren't exclusive yet. And there's a chance you might not be, given you haven't made your decision yet."

"Well," Draco started, staring at Harry's lips. "I suppose you should be given a chance to make your case, then. If I'm not decided yet, that is." 

For a moment, neither moved, unable to shift through the tension between them. Then, Harry broke the spell, kissing Draco and tipping them both backward onto the bed. 

"Trust me," he said, pulling Draco's legs apart. "I'm gonna make you forget he even exists." 

Clothes came off quickly and Draco was surprised Harry didn't hesitate too long. He had thought Harry had never been with another man, but that turned out to not be true. Apparently, after his hook-up with Draco, Harry had slept with some other guy just to "see what it was like." And so it all came easier between them than they had expected and they kept going, kept kissing, kept touching. 

Harry reached down between their legs and Draco was surprised to find Harry's fingers were slick. It was true then: the room did really provide anything you would require. 

He felt Harry's finger push against him before slipping in and Draco tipped his head back, moaning. Harry bent down and bit his neck, sucking over the spot as he started to open Draco up, adding in a second finger. 

Harry fingered him open and then sat back. Draco stared up at the ceiling, trying to get his wits about him as Harry slicked up his cock. With a moment to breathe, he started to worry a little again about John and wonder if what he was doing was wrong. 

And then Harry was inside of him and Draco's guilt evaporated. 

Just as Harry bottomed out, he paused. "How often does he fuck you?" 

Draco's eyes went wide, unable to believe Harry was bringing up John at a time like this. But then Harry started moving and Draco found himself unable to feel bad for John. 

"Fairly regularly," Draco answered, trying to keep his voice steady and not whimper. 

Harry began to pick up the pace. "Is he good? Does he make you scream?" 

Just as Draco was about to answer, Harry had shifted and the angle change hit perfect inside of Draco and he cried out. Harry grinned a quick moment and picked up Draco's ankle, setting it on his shoulder. 

For a few moments, Draco let his head fall back and let himself feel. He stopped thinking, stopped worrying; he was pretty sure he stopped seeing and hearing, as well. But then Harry was kissing his neck, bringing back to reality. 

"Does he?" Harry asked again. 

"Who?" Draco asked, unable to think of anything outside of Harry and himself. 

Harry thrust deep, pausing for a brief moment. "That John of yours. He fuck you like this?" 

Draco moaned as Harry continued. "No, fuck, not at all. It's all bland and soft and sweet and I—“ He arched off the bed, giving a small scream. "Fuck, Harry. This is so good, you're so good." 

"Tell me," Harry said, leaning over Draco. "Are you ever going to be able to fuck him again without thinking of me? Without picturing me inside of you?" 

"No, fuck," Draco threw an arm over his face. "You're much bigger than he is. It's so—deep, Harry, I—“ He felt like he was gasping, falling from the world. Nothing existed outside of him and Harry. 

Harry slowed down, drawing Draco's attention back to him. "Have you ever thought of me before? When you're going down on him? When he's fucking you? When you're in the shower?" 

It was like Draco couldn't stop the truth, hold it inside of him like usual, and the words spilled from him. "I've thought of you every time I've gone down on him." 

Now, Harry paused, focusing all of his effort on kissing Draco deeply, possessively. "Every time?" 

"Yes," Draco said. 

Harry held Draco's gaze. "And when he fucks you?"

"I wonder what it would be like if it were you, instead. How different your cock would feel inside of me." 

Harry stared up again, one of Draco's legs still on his shoulder, the other wrapped around his torso. He focused for a while on Draco's reactions, noting how he moved, what made him moan, what made him whine and whimper, what made him scream. 

Once he found that, he continued to thrust, hitting that spot within Draco that made him throw his head back and cry out. 

After staying like that a while, Harry began talking to Draco again. 

"Tell me, Draco, you ever going to be able to get fucked by him again?" 

Fucked out of his mind, Draco shook his head. "No, want you." 

"Who's are you, Draco? Are you John's?" Draco shook his head quickly back and forth. "Or are you mine?" 

"Yes!" Draco screamed. "Yours, Harry, I'm yours, all yours." 

"That's right," Harry said, taking Draco's ankle off his shoulder and holding it out to the side, giving himself the clearest angle possible. "You're mine.  _ Only _ mine, isn't that right?"

"Yes, fuck, Harry! I'm yours—  _ fuck _ —no one else. Never anyone else!"

Harry sped up, knowing he was close, and reached his hand down to pull on Draco's cock. "That's fucking right, Draco. Say it. Say you're mine."

"I'm yours, Harry." 

"Say you're mine," Harry demanded again. 

"I'm yours!" 

Draco's screams were reaching a crescendo and Harry was at the edge. He gave a few last tugs on Draco's cock. 

"Say you're  _ mine! _ " 

"I'm yours!" Draco screamed, just as they both climaxed. 

Riding through his orgasm, Harry pressed his head against Draco's chest, just below his chin. That's where he remained, breathing deeply as he felt Draco's cum on his stomach. 

Draco opened his eyes slowly, vision starting to return as he heaved in breath after breath. It was easily the fuck of his life. 

After a moment of rest, Harry straightened up and kissed Draco deeply. "That's right," he said, before pulling back and grabbing his wand and casting quick cleaning spells on them both. He left Draco to breathe and try and get his wits about him while he stood up and began dressing. 

Once dressed, he picked Draco's clothes from the floor and set them on the bed next to him. Draco looked at them, but made no move to get up. 

"We should get going," Harry said, whispering in the quiet. "It's late. Got to get up in the morning. Talk later, yeah?" was all he said before giving Draco the smallest of lingering kisses and walking out the door, leaving Draco alone and wondering what the fuck just happened. Again. 

Eventually, he pulled his clothes on and forced himself to leave and go to bed. 

__________

In the morning, Draco woke well before he had to and stared at the ceiling. He figured he had been overreacting last night in his post-sex haze. Harry had said they would talk later, so he didn't think he had anything to worry about. Right? Of course, it had been a little rushed and all, but the things Harry had said...

He wouldn't have said them if he hadn't meant them, Draco decided. All of that "Say you're mine" shit. Harry had meant it. And Draco knew Harry was still in the process of figuring out labels and things like that, but everyone went through that. And it didn't matter if Harry didn't know what his sexuality was  _ exactly _ because he did know that he liked Draco. And he had made it quite clear last night that that was the case. They would talk later. And until then, Draco had something he desperately needed to do. 

It was still fairly early in the morning when he knocked on John's door. 

John answered the door in his boxers, hair pushed up to one side of his head. His face went from confused to a sleepy smile when his eyes focused. "Draco," he said, happy. 

Draco took a deep breath. "Can we talk?" 

"Yeah, sure, come on in, love," John said, stepping back to make room. 

"Actually, I, uh...I think you should get dressed. Let's take a walk." 

John blinked, clearly waking up. "Oh," he said. "Okay. Yeah, give me a minute. You want to come in, or...?" He left the question handing and Draco just shook his head, the guilt from last night setting in.

"Right," John nodded. 

A few minutes later, the two of them were in the hall. "So you thought about it, I take it?" 

Draco just nodded, unable to start talking. 

"Look," John took his hand. "I know it's scary for you and I know that you've probably thought about it all night and so there isn't anything I can say to convince you, but...This doesn't mean that things have to be over between us. We can wait. Maybe it's just too soon." 

Draco pulled his hand back, looking at the floor. "John, I don't think that's it." 

"Well, I do. I get that you don't want things to change. I know you're scared. That's okay. Just because you don't want to be boyfriends right now isn't going to scare me off. It doesn't make me want you any less. We can just go back to normal. I won't even bring it up." 

The saddest part of all was that John wasn't begging. He was just being accommodating, just compromising. Not pleading like he knew what was really going on. 

"No, John, I—“ Draco stopped, taking a deep breath. He knew he had to look in his eyes for this. "There's someone else." 

John blinked, looking like he had been slapped. "Oh. Yeah, I guess that does change things. You gonna be his boyfriend, then?" 

"No, it's not like that, it's—I don't know. We had hooked up once before you and I were ever a thing and then I ran into him last night while I was searching for a sign if I should be with you or not. It just seemed...Well, it seemed like the sign I was looking for. And, in the interest of honesty—even if it is at the price of you hating me forever—I think you should know I slept with him last night. I'm sorry." 

Clearly hurt, John said nothing for a moment. "Well, it's not like we were dating. Weren't exclusive or anything so you didn't break any rules or anything like that." 

"It was still a shitty thing to do. And I am sorry." 

Eyes welling with tears, John said, "Just tell me one thing: do you love him?" 

Draco looked down at his hands, starting to cry himself. "I've been in love with him for years. I was so in love him it was what made me realize I'm gay. And he might never even speak to me again, he might completely throw me to the side, but yes." He looked back up. "I love him. And even if nothing ever happens between him and I," he reached up to brush away a tear. "I will still love him. And that's not fair to you. That will never be fair to you, as long as I am in love with him." 

Slowly, John nodded. "It's okay, Draco. I figured I was pushing. I think...I think I always knew there was someone else. I just had thought that—how do I put this? I knew you were with me because you couldn't have him but I never thought Potter would actually lead you on that much." John put a hand on Draco's shoulder, ignoring his shock. "For your sake, Draco, I hope you get over him. I've seen the way you look at him. And I've seen how he doesn't look at you at all. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who will love you and be open about loving you, even if that's not me." 

Without another word, John dropped his hand and walked off, leaving Draco confused and shocked. All he knew was that he needed to see Harry. 

Their chat had taken a while and breakfast in the Great Hall was starting to wind down as Draco headed that way. He was about to walk in when Harry and Weasley walked out. After his emotional encounter with John, Draco couldn't help himself and he raised a hand in a wave to Harry and his world broke. 

__________

Harry rolled out of bed when Ron threw a pillow at him. "Wake up," his best friend said. "You're usually up by now and I want to go get food and I don't want to go alone."

Grabbing the pillow, Harry pulled it over his head. "There are plenty of other people to go with, Ron. Just let me sleep."

With a quick yank, Ron pulled all of Harry's covers off of him. 

"Hey!" Harry yelled. 

"I want to go with you because you have to tell me why you weren't back until one  _ in the morning _ last night. We're best mates! I want to know what was going on."

Harry balked. "No you don't."

"Oh," Ron dropped the blankets he was holding. "You've  _ got _ to tell me now!" 

Getting out of bed, Harry walked towards the bathroom. “No chance in hell,” he muttered. 

Closing the bathroom door behind him, Harry looked at himself in the mirror. He had fucked Draco Malfoy. Passionately. And he had liked it. They had  _ both _ liked it. What was Harry supposed to do about that? 

He put his head in his hands. What had he done? He wasn’t ready for this! Draco was probably going to leave John because of him and Harry wasn’t ready to just slip into the John-shaped space that would leave in Draco’s life. Maybe Harry had been entirely wrong last night. Maybe he had made a mistake. 

For Draco’s sake, he should find him later today and tell him to stay with John. That Draco had been right: he and John had a chance at happiness and Draco should take that. Because Harry was flaky and unsure and—clearly—selfish and unable to consider the effect his actions had on others. 

Standing fully once more, Harry ran his hands through his hair. 

Then again, he thought, he actually did like Draco. He hadn’t lied. He wasn’t sure about his sexuality, but he was sure he hated seeing Draco with someone else. He knew he liked Draco. He knew that he liked having sex with him. And he was never able to stop thinking about him. 

Shaking his head, Harry decided it was probably just something he shouldn’t think about right now. Maybe that’s what he would tell Draco later: since Harry wasn’t really sure about a lot right now, they should just both stay where they were and not make any rash decisions. Yeah, that sounded good. 

Half an hour later, Harry and Ron had eaten and were leaving the Great Hall. Just as they were walking through the doors, Harry noticed Draco coming from the other direction.

It was the first time Harry had seen him since sleeping with him the previous night and it was just like the first time he had seen Draco after that blowjob. Harry was panicking: his palms were sweaty, his eyes were shifty, he wasn’t listening to a  _ thing _ Ron was talking about. 

Everything was happening in slow motion except Harry’s breathing and he watched as Draco lifted a hand in a hopeful wave. The thought briefly crossed his mind that Draco was looking really cute today and he should go over there and kiss him when reality caught up and Harry could suddenly hear in real time again. 

“Mate,” Ron said, laughing a little. “What the fuck is Malfoy doing waving at you?” 

Ron wasn’t looking in Draco’s direction anymore. To him, it was just an offhand comment. He probably didn’t even know that Draco was within earshot. But he was looking at Harry, trying to share in a look, a laugh. And Harry’s heart was beating faster now than it was when he thought about Draco when he was in the shower and that was saying something. Completely unsure of what to do or what to say, Harry panicked out a small, awkward laugh to Ron, verging on absolute hysteria. 

“Hey, Harry!” Someone called and Harry took off immediately towards the sound, muttering “Thank  _ fucking _ Merlin” under his breath as he left his best friend standing there. He didn’t look back, his body fleeing from the scene, and so he completely missed the way Draco’s hand fell to his side and his entire face immediately began to melt with tears. 

__________

Draco dropped his hand when he heard Harry laugh. Not able to watch another second, Draco turned and ran. He didn’t care who saw him, didn’t care if Harry watched him run away with tears streaming down his face. He had never in his  _ life _ felt like this: this betrayed, this used, this shameful. 

Harry laughed. Of all the things he could have done, he had  _ laughed. _ There wasn’t a worse thing. 

As he ran, Draco turned a corner and ran into somebody, but he didn’t stop to see who it was, focused on getting himself back somewhere safe, back to his room where he would crawl under the covers of his bed and stay there for at least the rest of the day, probably the rest of the week, and possibly the rest of the month and year. 

Turns out he had run face-first into Pansy who was walking with Blaise and Theo and the three had taken off after him so by the time Draco was entering his room, they were rounding the corner behind him. 

Draco turned, seeing his three best friends panting in the doorway. Blaise was clutching his side. “Fuck, since when can you run that fast?” 

Unable to hold back tears, Draco sobbed openly as he spoke. “Since my heart was broken.” 

Blaise pushed himself off the wall and stood in front of Draco. “Come on, now, aren’t we being a little dramatic? Even if John dumped you, he never had your heart to begin with.” Blaise threw an arm around Draco’s shoulders. “John’s a boring arse; don’t give him this kind of power, love.” 

Heaving a sob, Draco buried his face in Blaise’s shoulder. “It’s not John.” 

His friends sat him down, all of them touching him lightly, hands resting on his shoulders or holding his hands. “Tell us what happened, Draco,” Pansy said softly, brushing his hair back from his face. 

“Last night,” Draco started. “John asked me to be official. He told me not to answer him then but to think on it. So I went for a walk. And...” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

“You ran into Potter,” Theo supplied.

Bottom lip wobbling, Draco nodded, trying to keep his breathing even enough to speak. 

Pansy patted his leg. “Take your time, love.” 

“I thought—I thought I was going to be able to handle it because he has no right to say anything about my relationship with John but then he started asking me questions about sexuality because apparently he’s finally fucking putting it together that he isn’t straight! Don’t know where he’s been but he’s the one that originally kissed me! But he’s never been able to figure that one out!” 

“Well, you didn’t exactly choose the sharpest quill of the lot, did you?” 

Draco shot Pansy a look before continuing on with his story, his sobs taking a short reprieve. “Anyway, we got to talking and he started making all these comments about how seeing me with John felt and he—“ Draco stopped, pressing a hand to his mouth as he tried to stop the tears, but it was no use. Draco dissolved into crying and his friends held him for minutes until he calmed down enough to continue. 

“We went to the Room of Hidden Things,” Draco said. “He fucked me.” 

“Oh, shit,” Blaise said. 

“And he kept saying all these things, you know, and I figured it could have just been the things that you say during sex but it didn’t sound like that and he seemed so sincere.” 

“Draco...” Theo started. 

“I know. I know. But he kept saying all these things about John—“

“Like, during the sex?” Blaise interrupted. 

Draco nodded. “Yeah, like the during the sex. But it was hot kind of stuff, you know. ‘I’ll ruin you for all men,’ kind of stuff. And he kept saying ‘you’re mine, Draco, tell me that you’re mine.’”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Pansy squeezed his hand. 

“This morning,” Draco continued. “I told John it was over. Because even if it isn’t Harry, I’m still not happy with John. John doesn’t deserve that, I don’t deserve that. It needed to be done, Harry not included.” 

“Then what, exactly, are we crying for?” Theo asked. 

For a moment, Draco kept quiet. “I saw him,” he whispered. “Just now, leaving the Great Hall. He was with Weasley. I had had a hard morning, ending things with John and I just. I forgot. And I waved.” 

Blaise tensed next to Draco, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Weasley saw it and laughed and said ‘why the fuck is Malfoy waving at you’ and Harry...” 

Draco stopped to breathe. 

“Harry laughed.” 

__________

After Harry had calmed down, he and Ron headed back to the common room. When they walked in, Hermione was sitting in a chair and she looked up. 

“Hey, guys, I’ve been thinking,” she said. 

“When aren’t you?” Ron asked, smiling. 

“I think we need to be nicer to Malfoy.” 

Ron shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like I’m against the idea or anything, I just don’t see why. He’s never given us any reason to.” 

Hermione glanced around. “I just—I feel bad. People have said hurtful things to him since the war and it’s not his fault. We know that. And, like, just now. A few minutes ago, he ran in here crying hysterically and ran upstairs and his friends ran after him. I just feel bad, you know?” 

“Oh, that?” Ron asked. “I heard he broke up with his boyfriend this morning. Mate?” Ron looked over at his best friend. “You good?” 

Harry thought he might throw up. It didn’t have anything to do with John, did it? It wasn’t until now that he was calm again that Harry even realized what he had done. Draco had waved to him the night after Harry fucked his brains out so hard that Draco broke up with his boyfriend and what had Harry done? He had laughed. After repeatedly telling Draco he was unsure of so much, his own sexuality included. 

He had  _ laughed at him. _

And, that quickly, Harry was disgusted with himself. 

Before Harry could react or say anything, Blaise Zabini walked into the common room and grabbed Harry by the front of his shirt, lifting him off the ground and slamming him into the wall. 

He spoke low and most of the people in the common room didn’t hear him. 

“Voldemort might not have killed you, but I sure as hell fucking will. You stay the fuck away from him, you hear me? Whatever you have to do as long as you never go near him. I’ll cut your fucking dick off myself if that helps. Gladly. You understand me?” 

Harry just nodded, hands up by his sides, and Blaise dropped him. 

“What the fuck, Zabini?” Ron asked, the entire common staring at them. 

“This doesn’t concern you, Weasley.” 

“Well that’s my best mate you just slammed against the wall, so I think it does concern—“

“Ron,” Harry said. “Let it go.” 

Blaise hadn’t taken his eyes off of Harry and he shook his head back and forth. “You disgust me,” he said. 

“I know,” Harry whispered. 

Still shaking his head, Blaise looked like he was about to walk away when he turned and punched Harry in the stomach. Harry doubled over and Blaise said to him, “You ever look at him again and I’ll fucking kill you,” before walking off. 

Immediately, Ron and Hermione were at Harry's side. Once he had caught his breath and sat up, the whole common room was watching expectantly. 

"Well, what was that about?" Ron asked the question they were all thinking. 

Harry shook his head, trying not to let himself cry. 

"I'm a dickhead. Really, I'm the worst. I can't believe I—“ He ran a hand over his face, starting to get choked up. 

"What happened, Harry?" Hermione asked. 

Straightening up, Harry looked at everyone who was watching him. Quite a few of the eighth years were there and he knew that news of this would spread through the whole school in about two minutes after the first person left the room. And he didn't want wildly inaccurate rumors flying around about what could have happened, so he decided to tell the truth. 

"I did a terrible thing," he said. "I hurt someone I care about." He glanced down at his hands. "Like, really care about. And now he hates me and I don't blame him." 

"Zabini?" Ron asked. 

Harry's head snapped up. "No, not Zabini. Draco." 

Ron's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Malfoy?" 

"Yeah, I—“

"I'm sorry, did you just imply that you care about Malfoy?" 

Now, Harry was starting to get angry and he squared his shoulders. "I didn't imply it; I said it. I care about Draco. And I hurt him." 

"Well, what's new with you and Malfoy hurting each other?"

Harry shook his head. "You don't understand. This was different. It wasn't some fight where we mutually attacked each other." 

"Then what was it?" 

The entire room was waiting for the answer to Ron's question. 

With a deep breath, Harry glanced down at the floor. "I think I probably broke his heart." He kept looking down, knowing he couldn't stop the tears anymore. "And, fuck, I knew I really only had one chance with him and I just blew it." 

Now, Harry looked up at Ron and gave a half-shrug. "Earlier..." He let himself trail off, knowing Ron would put together what happened between him and Draco earlier. The wave. The laugh. "I just panicked. And now, he's feeling really hurt and I don't know how to make it right. And I don't want to make it right for me, for some selfish reason. I really care about him and he doesn't deserve this. And he just—John—“ Harry gestured towards John, on the other side of the room. "He just broke up with John this morning because of me." 

"Okay, Harry," Ron waved his hand as if clearing the confusion from his brain. "So you panicked a little this morning and laughed because of something I said. We all know you panic; it's not that big of a deal." 

Harry shook his head, feeling like he was going to throw up, he was so disgusted with himself. "No, it's not just that. I was planning on telling him to not make any rash decisions or anything and to stay with John because he likes John and I don't know what I'm doing and that we just stay away from each other for a little while. I was going to say that to him. And you..." Harry gestured at Ron. "You don't know what I said to him last night. I completely led him on." 

From across the room, Harry saw John shake his head. 

Now, Hermione spoke up. "Harry, why would you do that?" 

Good, Harry thought. At least someone understood that he wasn't overreacting here. "Because I'm just confused! I know I care about him and I like him, but I don't know anything about liking guys. I don't even know if I do like guys! I'm confused and—“ He looked out across the room at the many people staring at him. "And I'm honestly fucking past the point of caring if people know, okay? Because that doesn't matter. What matters is that I really hurt someone I care about." 

"Harry," Neville took a step forward. "Do you think that maybe...Maybe you do like Draco and you're just a little scared?" 

"Of course I'm scared!" Harry threw his hands out to the sides in exasperation. "I'm scared of hurting him like I always do. I mean, cmon, we're Potter and Malfoy, fucking—fire and ice and shit, you know? And no matter what I do, I can't stop." He heaved a breath. 

"Draco and I hooked up like four months ago and I panicked and then he got with John and I tried to not have feelings for him anymore because he deserves to be happy. And I was stupid and I ruined that for him. He doesn't deserve this. He deserves so much better than me. I've never been so sorry." 

Harry looked down at his hands again. "Maybe it's for the best that I hurt him now instead of later. The inevitable." 

Suddenly, Ron started yelling. "Fuck that! Okay, you know what, no, I'm not dealing with this. Look, I don't understand shit about you liking Malfoy, I mean, what the fuck.  _ But, _ damn if I will sit here and be silent and let you mope around like some self-sacrificing fuck. If there is anything to be expected from you and Malfoy, it's this. But you can fix it, Harry. And maybe you should focus on fixing it and apologizing to him instead some self-deprecating bullshit about how you're a bad person. You're not a bad fucking person, Harry, you’re just confused and you hurt someone because of that."

Harry opened his mouth to argue. Ron didn't know about the things he had said last night. 

But Ron kept on without a hesitation. "I don't give a shit about what you have to say. You have spent your whole life being forced into the position of a martyr and he's a fucking drama queen. How is this not expected? You're both blowing it out of proportion and I cannot believe I am helping you get into some sort of a relationship with Malfoy, but I will not stand for this bullshit from you. Stop feeling bad for yourself and just fucking apologize. If he never wants to see you again, fine. If he says that and changes his mind in a bit, that's also fine because, as I said, we all know he's a drama queen. And if he says that and changes his mind, don't you dare go on about how you're bad for him or some shit. You two clearly like each other so just stop dicking around try a little." 

He finished and shook his head and there were a few cheers from around the common room. 

"Yeah, I think you're blowing it out of proportion, Harry," someone from the room said. 

"Cmon, it's Potter and Malfoy! We always knew there was something between them!" 

"Ron's right: Malfoy's a drama queen; I'm sure everything's fine." 

"Yeah, get over yourself, Harry."

"Zabini'll get over it." 

Eventually, the common room quieted down. "You think so?" Harry asked. 

"Yes!" Almost everyone shouted. 

"Yes," came a small voice from the stairs. 

Harry turned and there was Draco. 

He started to panic again. "How much of that did you hear?" 

"Well, I heard about a billion times that I'm a drama queen," he crossed his arms on his chest. 

"I mean," Harry shrugged, smiling a little. "It's kind of true." 

"I also heard you're a self-sacrificing dipshit." 

Harry nodded. "Also true." 

Draco smiled a little and then it vanished as quickly as it came. "I also heard that you're sorry." 

Harry took a step towards him. "More than I've ever been." 

Blowing out a sigh, Draco glanced around. "Look, I may be overreacting a  _ bit, _ but that doesn't change the fact that I am hurt." 

"I know," Harry nodded. "I know what I said." 

"Which did you mean, though, Harry? What you said last night or what you had planned to say today?" 

Harry took another step closer. "I just don't want to hurt you more." 

Draco shrugged. "We're gonna hurt each other either way." 

Now, Harry stopped. "Which would you prefer?" 

With a scoff, Draco said, "Take a wild guess, Scarhead." 

"Kiss him," someone from the room whispered and Draco's head whipped in their direction. 

"I will not stand to have an audience, thank you. You can all leave now." 

Grumbling came from many of the people, but they all filed out, likely to tell the whole school. This left Harry and Draco and their friends, all waiting to see what would happen. 

"Maybe we should start with trying to be friends?" Harry asked. "Maybe we made the jump too fast. Should get to know each other outside of..." He didn't want to say "fighting or the bedroom," but he felt that it was implied. 

Draco nodded, still clearly reserved and hurt. "I think that'd be a good place to start."

__________

They didn't last very long with the friends attempt. Both had to make efforts to "hang out as friends" with their other friends around because they quickly found that if they were alone it would all dissolve into...other activities. But once they started getting the hang of spending time together, it all worked almost perfectly. 

Sure, they still had their classic Potter/Malfoy moments, but they found that Harry/Draco spent more time laughing than fighting. And Harry found that he liked that. Really liked that. 

The two were sitting together on a sofa in the empty common room. It was late and everyone else had turned in for the night. They only had to worry about the occasional passerby coming in to wander up to their room. But the whole school by now knew the situation and were just waiting for Harry and Draco to move into being in a relationship. 

Harry scooted closer on the sofa to Draco and took his hand. 

Draco's laughter quickly faded and he turned to Harry. 

He took a deep breath, readying himself for what he was going to say. "Draco, I think I'm in love with you." 

He didn't get a response, just Draco starting at him with slightly hurt eyes. 

"Actually," Harry started again. "You're right. Think isn't good enough. I don't think I love you. I do love you. I'm not going to hide behind vague words; you deserve better. I love you and I want to be with you. I want to do everything in my power to make you happy, to make you smile. And I know that that comes with fights and hurt and there's no way around that, but I would risk it all for you, Draco. I would let you break my heart if it meant I could make you smile once in the time before you do." 

Without a warning, Draco leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you, too, Harry Potter."

**Author's Note:**

> ok a lot of this fic def had the exact same vibes as the last drarry fic i posted so if you want something similar w more angst, go check out Kiss Me, Touch Me, Forget Me, my angsty fake-dating AU lol 
> 
> i LEGIT started writing this like a year ago....yall i have posted new fics or fic updates FOUR TIMES this WEEK what the hell is happening?!?!?! i finished this after a year and i wrote the last chapter for a long ass fic i started two years ago for another ship--who tf am I???
> 
> ___
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! Please feel free to leave a comment and/ or message me on [ tumblr ](https://www.shelvesuponshelves.tumblr.com)
> 
> I am also currently taking ficlet requests on [ tumblr ](https://www.shelvesuponshelves.tumblr.com)


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